Alex and Asperger's

Alex is my nephew. The eldest son of my younger sister. He's a great kid and his mother is a wonderfully strong woman of God whom I love dearly. This article was posted in the newspaper in Niagara Falls Ontario (I believe), sometime last year I think, and I just want to take a few minutes to brag on my nephew.
It's a great read. Go ahead.

My favourite line is "Mom, are you being sarcastic?". I can see that happening.



A BURDEN ...
... and a gift
Posted By CHERYL CLOCK, STANDARD STAFF


Inside his head, he's got rules. Social rules. He calls them The Seven Easy
Steps to being a Sociable Person.
If someone is looking at you, that means they want to say hi. Look back at
them. Make eye-to-eye contact.
If someone rolls their eyes, they don't want to talk.
If their head is turned away, facing the opposite direction, that also means
they don't want to talk.
And if they start to walk away, don't chase after them hoping they'll listen to you. Just let them walk away.
Then there's personal space. Stand at least two feet away. About arm's length.
If a teacher is busy, wait until she's done to ask a question. Raise your hand to let her know you need help.

These are 16-year-old Alex Seib's rules. Alex is funny. Polite. Articulate.
Effervescent. A genuinely nice kid. He's a Grade 11 student at Stamford
Collegiate in Niagara Falls and has an amazing memory. He's passionate about
God and history. And he could tell you pretty much anything about the War of
1812.
His dream is to be a re-enactor at Fort George for the summer.
He gets 80s and 90s in most subjects, but struggles in math.
And he has no fear of speaking in front of people. He was on student council
for two years. Helped organized a Christmas drive at his high school. And
last year, he was nominated in The Search for Great Kids contest.
In his words, "I've been a very prosperous young man since Grade 9." He is confident. Sincere. All this, yet he struggles socially.
He simply cannot pick up all the subtle-yet-important social cues that
govern how we act. Cues like body language, which most of us learn innately,
evade his social radar. He has to be taught. Clearly. Directly. Explicitly. Alex has Asperger's syndrome. It's a type of Autism Spectrum Disorder, yet differs significantly from classic autism. People with Asperger's typically have impaired social interactions and narrow fields of interest and activities. But their language skills are not delayed and they have average to above average intelligence.
Sharon Svob, regional director of Autism Ontario Niagara Region, puts it
this way: "It's a different kind of mind." Alex wants to tell people about Asperger's. And he's not shy about it.
"Asperger's is nothing to be afraid of," he says. "It's not contagious."
Much of his self-esteem blossomed around Grade 9, when many positive factors
merged in his life.
He started at a great school. His principal once told Alex's mother, Tammy,
"If you just allow Alex to be Alex, he'll blow you out of the water."
Tammy liked his attitude.
In Grade 8, Alex joined a group for children with Asperger's. Then, in high
school, a group for teenagers, offered by the Niagara branch of Autism
Ontario. In the Asperger's Teens Group, the teenagers go on social outings together
to develop appropriate social skills while having fun. They've been on
adventures like go-carting, bowling, to the movies and to an Ice-Dogs game.
They are supervised by young adults, who are part of related programs at
Brock University and Niagara College. The students are there to gently guide the teenagers. They give them support. And space to try out their social skills.
After one session, Alex came home and told his mother, "Mom, did you know if
people roll their eyes, they're being sarcastic?"
"Really?" his mom replied.
"Mom," asked Alex, "are you being sarcastic?"
Early on in life, his parents, Mark and Tammy Seib, saw signs that something
was not quite right with Alex. In preschool, Alex seemed extra sensitive to sound. And he was very dependent and insistent on routine.
If his class was going on a field trip first thing in the morning, he
couldn't just walk in the door, then leave like the rest of the kids. He'd
have to complete his regular routine, from taking off his coat, to sitting
down on the carpet for circle. Then he'd get back up, put on his coat, and be ready to go with his classmates.
He liked his picture book. It was filled with pictures of people, places and
things meaningful to his life. The school bus driver in his bus. Alex during
circle time. Alex with his coat on. Alex on a field trip holding his
teacher's hand. It helped him transition from one activity to another. And prepare him for different events during the day.
He didn't talk until he was five. But by then he was able to read and
understand well above his grade level.
In Grade 1, he was reading at a Grade 3-4 level. His first diagnosis was
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It wasn't until he was 10 that he was finally diagnosed with Asperger's. "Some people with Asperger's may think of it as a burden," says Alex. "Other people think of it as a gift." And how does Alex think of it? He pauses for a moment. "It's kind of both," he says.
A burden, because some teens like him would rather "chill out in the library where it's quiet" than hang out in a noisy cafeteria with a bunch of friends. "Other kids may think that's weird," he says.
Sometimes kids with Asperger's avoid making friends because they fear
rejection. They're afraid if they make a mistake, they won't be accepted. So
they don't try at all, he says. "It's like you're in a tight space," he says. "There are no doors, no windows. It's a small space with four walls blocking your way. "That's how a social barrier works. You block out friendships."
Mostly, though, Asperger's is a gift, he says. It gives him creativity. Imagination. In Grade 9 drama, he wrote, acted in and created the costumes for a play that he describes as a Simpson's adaptation of The Shining.
He has a soft spot for animals and plants.
Asperger's affects how he reflects on the world. "You see things in a different perspective," he says.
His mother home-schooled Alex for grades 3-7. In Grade 5, during a unit on
inventions, Alex and his father each chose an invention, wrote a report and
debated its relative importance. His father chose the telephone. Alex chose the table. Says Tammy: "I would have never thought of that. "Alex discussed the historical uses of tables. ("The Mayans used tables for sacrifices," he points out.)
In front of his family, he presented the pros and cons of the table. And won
the debate by a unanimous family vote.
Then one day in Grade 9, he announced to his family that he was running for
student council. The election was the next day. "We're the type of family that if you want to do it, we're going to support you," says Tammy. Everyone spent the night making posters with slogans that reflected his personality. That night, he wrote his own speech. And while he didn't win, he so impressed everyone that he was appointed as the principal's representative on student council.
With generous amounts of work and love, Alex is learning all sorts of social
nuances. He tries not to see everything in black and white. Right and wrong. If
someone has a different point of view, he tries to understand another opinion.
He works on remembering to talk about other people, not just himself, in a
conversation. To engage others. He can easily walk up to someone and strike up a conversation. Usually, it's all about himself. "Now, all I have to do is look at him," says Tammy, "and he'll remember to say, 'Oh, and how are you?' "
He works on turn-taking. Not interrupting conversations.
He has incredible insight into his challenges. A simple question, "How does
Asperger's affect your life?" will cause him to pause, then offer several
thoughtful examples.
"I sometimes lose my temper if someone gets under my skin," he says. "One minute I'm as calm as the sea. The next, I'm raging like a storm."
At night after school, around the kitchen table, they talk about the best
and worst parts of his day. Sometimes they go for walks after dinner. It's part of his social story. They use the time to discuss new social encounters, and how he responded. He learns. And together, they make rules.
One night, Alex explained that someone called him by his friend's name. He
got upset. Yelled at the person. Tammy talked about his reaction. "If you called me 'dad', would you want me to yell at you?" "No," Alex agreed. "He just made a mistake," said Tammy.
Tammy explained that sometimes people make mistakes. And that's OK.
Afterwards, Alex wrote what he learned in his notebook. That time it read: "We do not get angry at someone for making a mistake. We just gently correct them." He uses the notebook as a reference guide of sorts. To remind him how to deal with similar situations that come up in life.
Their journey with Asperger's has been long. There's been frustration. Sadness. Even grief for the child they'll never have, says Tammy.
But ultimately, there is joy. Joy for his accomplishments.
Joy for Alex just being Alex. Says Tammy: "I'm blown away by him every single day."

take this bread

it's a phenomenal concept that revolutionalizes the world. Jesus uses the elemental to meet the spiritual. the one who called himself the bread of life tells his friends to take this bread and in doing so they are to remember Jesus. so they in turn offer this bread and say remember me ... and the elemental meets the spiritual again.
there is real power and value in the eucharist. the command is too often left at the table though and that is half-measure. we have an abundance of the elemental and yet it doesn't get offered around. the church was the first welfare agency and they have polarized in another completely different direction so that the feast becomes about individual wellness.
when we take this bread, what are we to do with it? it has to be more than personal wellness, more than fire insurance. we often just take our gift of grace, say our little prayer and remember Jesus ... but where is the real action? where are we take this bread? who is to get this bread?
food issues are global issues. we can feed every person on the face of this planet if we can only get away from our own egocentric spiritual myopia.
i heard a story today about Bob Dylan. it has been said that he'd leave a venue after doing one of his concerts and he'd pull his hat over his eyes, lower his head and step into the dark of an alley with his hand stuck out. allegedly he'd do that so that he wouldn't be noticed but just imagine the surprise of anyone who practiced a little random act of kindness to the least of these. here's an autograph for you brother, wanna sit down for a cup of joe? that'd be cool.
where do you take this bread? where does the elemental touch the spiritual for you? it has to be more than "thanks be to God", cross yourself and say a little prayer. there HAS to be more than that.
take this bread. give this bread. live this bread.
today is Maundy Thursday, the day before Good Friday. get out of your upper room and take your bread with you.
where is Holy Week changing your life? what is it doing for you ... today. take this bread my friend and live it out. give it out.

tight chest muscles

my chest is tight ... and not in a good way although i am pretty buff and yeah, i am pretty smoking hot for an over the hill married dude with too many lbs, failing hearing and creaky knees. ok, maybe i'm not so buff after all. last week i woke up several days in a row and my back was really sore. i didn't do anything about it though and now i think my chest muscles are trying to compensate for the sore muscles in my back. then again, i do have a history of anxiety so it occurred to me that it might be a version of a panic attack. i do have some stress in my job and Wendy has been ill and out of work for the last couple months, so maybe it is anxiety and stress.
neither of those options was the first thing that popped into my head over this. i was wondering about angina actually but i'm still a relative kid and i don't think i should be having heart trouble at 42. y'never know though eh? i talked to a nurse friend who advised me to go get checked out and an EKG, not sure that i'll be doing that soon though.
anywho, i'm going with the compensating for the sore back excuse for why my chest feels tight. if my doctor reads this you might not be too surprised to see me sometime soon.
if i'm being an idiot and my days are numbered then know this, Wendy gets everything including the rare coin collection without a single rare coin amongst them.
no, i'm not being morbid, it's just some tight muscles. i hope.

Jesus Flickfest 4

it was the season of Jesus Flickfest 1 when my buddy Craig invited me to go check it out with him. we went to see the old classic "Life of Brian" and spent the evening chuckling our way through an old favourite (always look on the bright side of life). it was the last night of Flickfest but i got a gander at the sched and i knew that i had missed a good chunk of something. that was the beginning of an annual lenten culmination every year since that time.
since that time i've enjoyed everything i've seen in the several hours i've spent there. 2 years ago it was the thrill of the John the Baptist character in "Godspell" and last year it was making it all the way through "The Passion of the Christ" and being absolutely enthralled with a South African feature film "Son of Man" that completely blew me out of the water (several times in several different viewings). i've also sat my way through Willem Dafoe as Jesus in "The Last Temptation of Christ" and wondered what all the (we) evangelicals were so put out about back in the day.
it's exciting to me. i post the brochure in my cubicle at work and my co-workers probably get tired of seeing the thing there.
right now my plan is to go see something on Wed and Thurs nights (although Wed might not work since we have our seed group meeting) and i want to spend as much time as i can on Friday and Saturday. if you're in Winnipeg and want to go check it out then it'll be at Knox United Church just north of Ellice at 400 Edmonton St. if you're there then say hey, i might be in the audience with you.


Shortcut to: http://jesusflickfest.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/flickfestbrochure41.pdf

seriously, go check it out. you won't be sorry.

Play Ball!!!!!!!

man do i ever LOVE baseball. few people around me have anywhere near the same passion about it that i do. i may be the biggest baseball fan you know. the game is poetic. it's beautiful. it combines individual achievement and team outlook in a wonderful balance.
did you ever see the Al Capone scene in "The Untouchables" where DeNiro waxes poetic on baseball just before he does the Gallagher watermelon trick on some croney's skull with a Louisville Slugger? the purpose of the scene wasn't to wax poetic but that's exactly what happened.
did you ever watch "Bull Durham"? that's a truly classic baseball flick. there are several baseball scenes worth seeing including "you don't F#$@ with a winning streak", "breathe through your eyelids", and "nobody knows what to get Jimmy and Sissy for a wedding present" but one of my all time fave scenes when Costner spends 30 seconds talking about the difference between a good hitter and a GREAT hitter. he points out that a handful of hits in a season can make you a multi-millionaire.

tomorrow is Opening Day. tomorrow is also the start of Holy Week. hmmm, maybe Holy Week carries some extra meaning for me this year. yes i love baseball that much.

may all your ground balls have eyes ... unless you're a pitcher then may all your ground balls have leather attached.

RRSP or live the life of a sparrow

how do you spend your money? anyone who knows me knows that i'm pretty ... frugal? no, i'm cheap. i don't spend money. right now there's some medical stuff going on for us so i'm continuing in my frugal ways. i have some RRSP's though and we do have a pension plan through work.
we had a discussion in our church community recently about finances and in truth, we don't talk about money much. we really need to though.
some believe that we should use our resources as part of service and we shouldnt worry about how we'll end up when the dying of the light is nearer. their argument is that God cares for the sparrows and He'll care for you too. so a person who believes that way would argue vehemently that a Christian (or at least a person in our church community) should make all funds available for service and one shouldn't concern himself with saving, RRSP's, retirement, insurance. basically don't worry about money, give it away and let God care for you ... grasshopper.
i suppose i agree with some of that in principle. if a Christian were to follow Jesus truly; would he have more than one set of clothes? would he own a house? would he pursue education? would he ... i don't know, would he own a tv? i suppose the answer to some of those questions may be NO but at the same time, my answer for all of those questions has been yes.
the discussion started because it was suggested in our AGM for our church community that perhaps we should provide a RRSP contribution for our servant leaders while they are leading us. we wanted to make the position more "palatable" so that people would WANT to become a servant leader. some in the circle objected to the idea that we'd provide a RRSP for someone. i didn't understand why, until this recent discussion.
i'm a welfare worker so i've seen more than my share of folks at rock bottom in our society. regularly i see, "there but for the grace of God, go i". now i've worked my tail off to get where i am and i freely admit that i'm blessed but i also say that i got some breaks because i was working hard to get where i am. my wife and i have seen some hard times, we still see them, and what happens if medical bills become so big that we can't pay them? we'd rely on others i suppose. but what if the bills got that way because we didn't do anything about them when we had the means to pay them? isn't that irresponsible? am i being a good steward if i don't pay my bills? well, no i don't think i am.
is it right to provide for your future? i say it's more than right, it's mandatory. would you choose not to feed your children if you had the means simply because you wanted to give more to the church? don't be silly. so why wouldn't you fail to plan for your own future? why fail to plan for a time when you might not have the means? yes, you'd be a burden on your family but youre going to be that anyway and families carry one another. isn't it better to lessen the burden when you can?
we in Canada have the Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security that we pay into, but at the same time the population is getting older and who's to say that there'll be much of anything to collect by the time the baby-boomers get to an age that they can collect. what would i do if there's a pittance of a CPP and OAS coming in and i had nothing else to supplement it with? go hungry i suppose.
there's an implication here too that i react to. somehow it seems less spiritual to plan for retirement. the statements have been (quite literally) that we should live day to day and trust God to provide but that carries the implication that i'm less spiritual or less faithful because i have a pension and RRSP's for when i retire. i react to that. responsibility isn't a lack of faith. i still believe and i'll trust that we'll all support one another. we'll do what we need to do to help one another along the road, but i still ask why not prepare ahead of time so that the burden isn't quite so burdensome.
maybe i do have less faith. maybe i don't trust God enough. but at the same time, i've seen a LOT in this world and i don't want to be too much of a burden if i don't have to be. if we're "in this thing" called our church community then it'll be your kids who have to help prop up old guys like me along the way. yeah, i get that's exactly what we should be doing as the church but we should at least plan things out a bit so that maybe ALL of us don't have to be propped up.
just one guy's opinion.

if you're reading this...

you may remember that i wrote a fantasy hockey blog and i moved it over to hockeyanalysis.com and it continues there. i've decided that i might have more to say though about other things so i'll resurrect my original blog and i just won't call it a fantasy hockey blog. if you want fantasy hockey blog then go ahead to my blog over at hockeyanalysis.com or you can see some of my other work at dobberhockey.com or dobberbaseball.com
yes, i think i'm writing for enough sites. this'll be for me and whoever else wanders upon it. i'm keeping the name though, i like it. the other blog will also have the name but i'll talk a LOT less about hockey and/or sports here. or maybe i won't.

so ... welcome back. there'll be more when i have something to say.