Wednesday, May 29, 2013

king and lionheart

sure hope this works, it's been a long time since i've figured out how to do this

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


it is during the anxious times of waiting to see if i will get what i want that i find i pray the most.  that's not how i want to be though.  i don't want to treat God like a magic genie who's job it is to provide me with my 3 wishes, the first of which would be to have unlimited wishes.  prayer should be about the search for balance on my daily journey and the ability to adapt to the changing circumstances that come my way.  sometimes i'm pleased to say that i live in that balance and i commune with God and all around me but there are other days where i live in the anxiety of what could be and what i would like to be.
i interviewed for a supervisor's position yesterday.  there are 2 positions available and the Ian who's interested in growth would very much like to take on the challenge of one of those positions.  i really do believe that i'm the right choice and i want those in authority to recognize it also.  at the same time however, there are many folks who could/would be good choices.
oh to live in contentedness.  actually, i do live in contentedness.  i'm happy where i am but i also want to see growth in this plant that is earthed in fertile ground with a temperate climate and a caregiver who wants good things for me.
no more magic genie stuff though.  give me balance God.

Monday, May 13, 2013


it looks like i haven't written here in 5 months.  don't take it personally, i've been really busy and life is stressful on a regular basis. 
we're renovating, i'm applying for a supervisor's job and Wendy and i don't always work well together when something needs to get done because i think we both like to run the show.  i'm the more laid-back one but i think i find it hard to take direction from one i love.  i really must work on that.
our renovations will include a complete revamping of half of the house and an addition on the back.  i'll remain living at the house while the work goes on too.  it looks like i'll never be able to retire and i sure hope our contractors 2 children appreciate the fact that essentially i'll be putting them through college paying off this bill.  the work is a necessity however.  it is a hope that we can create an environment that is more Wendy-friendly that includes much less of the materials that Wendy reacts to with her sensitivities and creates an oasis where she can survive.
i have an interview for a supervisor's position tomorrow.  it has been a bit of an adventure for me to try to figure out the place of ambition in my life.  i'm happy in my work, i'm good at my work and i worry that if i seek to change my situation i might upset the apple cart as it were.  growth is a good thing though and that's why i'm working on it.  part of me trusts that i'll be led where i need to go and part of me just says it isn't about being led at all and whatever would be is a good place to be.  a statement like that would've boggled the Ian of 20 years ago since he really held to the idea of the grand scheme of things and God leading us by the hand.  the Ian of today probably accepts that God wants good things for his children and is more concerned with just how open i am to the twists and turns of life.  i think its more about sensitivity to the things around you then it is a concern about staying where God you to be.  God can use us wherever we are so concentrate on things that give fulfillment, on places that give you life.  screw the "rules", God is bigger than the rules.  ok, sermon over.
baseball season has started up for me so that means i'm heading into the busiest time of the year.  not exactly great timing in light of all the other stresses in my life.  adapt or die though.  it's a good thing that i have a really good support structure and decent coping mechanisms in place.