Wednesday, June 24, 2009

anxiety is a constant companion for some of us

12% of Canadians struggle with an anxiety disorder at some time in their lives. i'm part of that 1/8th of society.
it has been a rough month for me. there has been some extra stressors of late and i suppose i don't help my own situation by choosing to wade out into issues that are anxiety provoking for anyone. i'm married (nuff said) but i should point out here that most of my anxiety in this area is self-imposed. i'm a welfare worker so ... i sometimes get folks with few options get a little upset with their situation and project some of that stuff onto the person standing in front of them. i officiate baseball and football, it's baseball season right now, and when you officiate "somebody" is mad at you every few seconds.
today i resented people calling me at work. these people need my help and i actually sat there and resented their need. in truth i was battling anxiety in calling people back. would i be able to diffuse someone who's standing on the edge of financial cliff? what if my own emotions make it so that i can't really reach and help someone effectively?
i was watching a sitcom recently and the guy sat in a shrink's office talking about why he was acting out emotionally. he phrased it that there was a possum or a raccoon sitting on his chest. no, just a raccoon, i don't know why i said possum. i get that, except it feels like it might be a porcupine sitting on my chest. it feels sticky anyway.
i'll be ok. honest. i'm talking about it. i'm getting some help and i don't think i'm anywhere near a ledge. i'm pretty much "uncomfortable" with heights anyway.

No comments: