My Own Little World

here's a decent little tune that deals with stuff that i think about quite regularly. i'm a welfare worker so this hits home for me. the embedding was disabled so you'll have to follow the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvSwcMp9vU4

via Waving or Drowning?

beautiful things

i only just heard this tune for the first time when it got posted on a blog i'm following. i've posted about this band in the past when i put the song White Man up here and quite frankly i'm really getting to like this band. when i'm done posting this i'm thinking i'll do a search for more of this band's stuff.



via matt stone

wanna see me in action?

i ref football. want to see me online? the local tv station does local football coverage and you can see running down the field trying to stay with a running back.

go to http://www.whsfl.ca/

go to Videos

go to Sept 16, 2010 Game Highlights

look for #12 in stripes. it's not like i would be able to stay with the running back but also i don't have to since i have the Head Linesman further downfield to pick up the coverage once the running back blows the doors off me.

funniest Satanists EVER

hee hee

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

via Matt Stone

what's out there?

ok, some of you may think that my what's out there's are a waste of time but i came across a blog post that STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS. you absolutely have to go read this post about the disease of perfection by Single Dad laughing.

oh my ... seriously, go read this ... all of it. LOVE. IT.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html?ref=nf

i've gotten away from what's out there's for a long time but there are just some occasions that cannot be ignored.

what are you still reading this for? seriously go check out that post.

what would Jesus do?

this is thoroughly irreverant, borderline heretical and there's some language in here that isn't right for children or anyone who may get offended by it.

Dad, you'll hate this. i doubt you'll want to watch it.

humility

Donald Miller blogged this yesterday and since, if you're like me, you're not likely to follow a link so that you can just go about your busy life again, i've fired down his entire post for you below.

"I am not a humble person. I’m proud of my accomplishments. I drop names when I’m feeling insecure. I also talk about the cool projects I’m working on when I want to impress somebody. If you’ve known me for long, you’ve probably heard me do it. Sorry about that.

But the truth is, I don’t really want to be a humble person. It’s not a goal of mine. I don’t think about it, and I have a lot more emotional stability because I don’t think about it. If I get too arrogant somebody will humble me. When you write a blog you get criticism every hour on the hour, and that certainly helps.

Truly humble people don’t get called humble very often. In fact, if you are consistently spoken of as humble, you might want to reflect on whether or not you are trying to project a humble identity, which is just another form of narcissism. People who are humble are too busy thinking about a project they are working on, or their family, or their friends. Their mind isn’t on their humility or their lack of humility; their mind is on something other than themselves. In doing so, they help other people focus on something other than themselves, too. And that’s true freedom. We live in a fallen world, so you and I are only going to accomplish this in shades. I’m not humble, but I don’t sit around and condemn myself for it either, which is yet another form of narcissism. I’m pretty awesome that way. I also once met Harry Connick Jr and his girlfriend thought I had nice hair. Try being humble when that sort of thing has happened to you. It’s freaking impossible."

i was in our annual church covenanting ceremony last night. it was an incredibly important night for our community as each of us decides what level of involvement we will have to the group for the coming year. i will be a covenant member and part of the Decision-making circle ... which probably means little to you ... so uh, it means that i want to be involved.

anywho, it was an important and beautiful night as the place of symbol was front and centre to our individual decisions. after the ceremony we partied. Tall Grass Bakery provided snacks and we had cider and mingled together. periodically i chatted with D. i mentioned him briefly in the past when he got married but i mention him again because we're both Leafs fans and hockey fans. last night was the only night of the year when an NHL game will be played in our fair city and i had mentioned to D over the last several months that it would be great to go to that game. i hadn't realized when i suggested it or even when we discussed it again this past Sunday that it would fall on the same night as our covenanting ceremony.

i mention all this because i made it seem like i'd get in all this "trouble" if i had decided to go to the hockey game instead of going to the covenanting ceremony but the truth is, i didn't have any such money to attend and it was MUCH more important for me to be part of the group last night. you see, i want D to like me. we have a connection that i don't have with many folks and i see a lot of myself when i was newly married as i look at him.

i get kinda full of myself and i say some really obtuse things that sound funny in my head before i say it but come across rather "tool"-ish in the open air.

what does this have to do with humility? well, i'm a lot more proud of me than i think i am and some of the comments i make in real life reflect how much of a tool i actually am. i'm the narcissist that Donald is talking about in the last paragraph and i want to be truly free.

D, forgive me for my comments, even if you were gracious enough not to be offended. i really do want you to appreciate me as much as i appreciate your quiet strength and grace.

on the bus

got to take the bus to some training this afternoon so i contacted Winnipeg Transit to figure out the best option to get there. it listed 1 option that i liked best, 2 more options that weren't really what i wanted, a fourth option that would get me to my meeting 10 minutes late and then this the final option.

Create a timetable for this plan

12:40 Rorie Street
Walk 20 minutes
13:00 Garry Street


so the final option is ... don't take the bus at all? just walk the 20 minutes to my meeting?
actually there's a decent chance that i do just that.

i remember 18

i remember 18. it had speed, it had power. it was indestructible and beautiful. it's not like the decades since that time has made it less beautiful because i still really like me ... i just remember longingly the beauty of those days.

i used to run. i was lean and there was significant release of all that troubled me when i ran. there was occasion when i'd go go out and be gone for an hour as i ran and ran until i could run no more. i remember running in a light snowfall on the evening my college girlfriend dumped me. i ran full out until i could run no more and then i sucked wind and tried to figure out how i would get back home. i tell that story only for the anecdotal info within it ... i used to run and run and run.

i was into my 30's when i really started to note the aches and pains that age brings your way. mostly it was my knees and sometimes it was my back. my right knee has clicked and snapped at me for millenia now or maybe its less than that. when i complain about such things nowadays Wendy looks at me with a knowing smile and asks, "you ok there Grandpa?". yes she does love me, thank you very much.

my right knee is my worse knee and my left knee is my bad knee. i guess that tells you a bit about the lay of the land as it were. i've been told that i shouldn't worry about all the clicking and cracking in my knees ... so long as there is no pain. well, i reffed 2 football games since Thursday and my knee starting barking at me on Saturday afternoon. Wendy and i went for a nice bike ride together and i actually had to stop pedalling on occasion so that i could give my knee a rest.

i remember 18. i was a gunshot and boom, i was gone.

i eventually realized that none of us are indestructible and there are times when i need to remember to be smart about my path and the speed that i travel on it. i like to think that i realize my limitations now and in so doing i can cover more ground laterally than i used to cover as i blundered full bore in one direction.

i'm smarter than i used to be, i'm just slower. i have a clicking knee to remind me that it's ok that i'm not 18 anymore. i still get plenty done and i don't have to run full out only to end up in the middle of nowhere, completely gassed and wondering how i'm going to get home.

but there's no getting away from the longing beauty of what once was. regret? not really, i'm still smiling.

The Silence of God

via Of all the Liars in the World

Ramadan

today is the last day of Ramadan and i've just learned that tomorrow is pretty much like Christmas to Muslims as they break their fast and celebrate together.

i think it'd be a great idea to eat with a Muslim together. i'm not sure how to accomplish this right at this moment but it's an idea that i'm throwing out here just in case someone reading this can accomplish this sort of thing on their own.

go ahead.

salaam alaikum to you

the gift of my community

i sat down for our "sharing and learning" meeting at our church community last night. we had taken the summer off from most of our meetings but we still hold our sharing and learning meetings once a month over the summer. it had only been a month since i last sat down with these same folks but it felt like a lot longer than that and in truth attendance at these sorts of things can get a little bit sparse over the summer months.

i looked around at the same faces that i had grown to love and enjoy and an overwhelming thought crossed my mind, "this is my tribe". it had been a phrase that i had heard Lydia utter nearly a decade ago as she tried to express what our community meant to her amidst all the transitions that were going on in her life. it was comforting to her to know that she had found a safe place with people she trusted where she could belong.

i hadn't been looking forward to the meeting last night. i never do look forward to meetings but i also find them valuable once i get there. i feel better afterward because they are my tribe. it is their gift to me. it is an overwhelming gift that digs deep within me and builds me up so that i can pray again. as i see them i realize that i love them and i remember all that they have meant to me over the decade and more that we've been together.

it has been a terribly hard summer for me where ... i haven't really been able to pray ... at least not much and not the way that i'm used to being able to pray. i'm a visual pray-er. in the mornings as i meander to work on my bike i ride past the streets of my church community and as i go by the streets i pray for the people in my community that live on those streets. i pray specifically. i start by praying for Wendy and then i move on to Albert and Nettie whose house backs on to the back alley we share. from there i move to anyone i can think of who lives west of us before i begin my journey east to work. i won't bore you with my prayer list because it could get pretty long but trust me, if you're in my church community and you live anywhere east of me on my way to work, you get prayed for. normally. this has not been a normal summer. i can remember only a handful of times where i've gone through my little prayer ritual this entire summer.

i sat down last night and i felt the gift that my church community gives me. this is my tribe and i KNOW that they love and support me. it was pure joy to see them. i couldn't actually concentrate on the devotional prior to the meeting because i was just enthralled to see everyone. i have tried in the past to express this thought in homilies at worship and i don't know that i've truly gotten it across. i'm a visual pray-er so when i SEE them, i PRAY for them. if they're walking down the street then if at all possible i will be stopping my bike alongside them so that i can chat for a few minutes. i have very literally told them that i'll be doing that sort of thing and they should just humour me for a few minutes ... and they do.

i prayed this morning. for the first time in far too long i have prayed through my prayer list this morning. last night Wendy shared some really hard things to share with our community and we both cried as she spoke. it is a safe place and we know that they love us. i proud of her for being how honest that she is and i'm hoping that i can get to a place that i can pray again. it's worth it.

thank you to Grain of Wheat Church Community for the gift that you are to me. for being my tribe. for loving us unconditionally and for spurring me on to pray as you continue to pray for me.

a day at the beach

we got a very late start so it's actually more like an afternoon and evening at the beach but nevertheless it was a truly enjoyable day.
we drove from Waterloo down to Long Point across some absolutely beautiful small town scenery in Southern Ontario. it was the first time i had ever been to Scotland(a small hamlet on the way), the town of Simcoe is glorious and Long Point itself is very obviously a tourist town all summer long.
we met Jackie and Barry there where they had been camping for a couple days and we promptly went body surfing on the waves of Lake Erie. the water was surprisingly warm for a body of water that size and well, it was a ton of fun. we then settled down to a vigourous game of Settlers of Catan during which i came in 4th (i can't seem to win that game ever) and then supper and a campfire. the campsite was perfect; right by the beach and it was extremely quiet even though the place was packed with campers. it's well worth your time if you're in the neighbourhood.
i just appreciated the chance to breathe and do nothing for a good long while. it was truly glorious.