humility

Donald Miller blogged this yesterday and since, if you're like me, you're not likely to follow a link so that you can just go about your busy life again, i've fired down his entire post for you below.

"I am not a humble person. I’m proud of my accomplishments. I drop names when I’m feeling insecure. I also talk about the cool projects I’m working on when I want to impress somebody. If you’ve known me for long, you’ve probably heard me do it. Sorry about that.

But the truth is, I don’t really want to be a humble person. It’s not a goal of mine. I don’t think about it, and I have a lot more emotional stability because I don’t think about it. If I get too arrogant somebody will humble me. When you write a blog you get criticism every hour on the hour, and that certainly helps.

Truly humble people don’t get called humble very often. In fact, if you are consistently spoken of as humble, you might want to reflect on whether or not you are trying to project a humble identity, which is just another form of narcissism. People who are humble are too busy thinking about a project they are working on, or their family, or their friends. Their mind isn’t on their humility or their lack of humility; their mind is on something other than themselves. In doing so, they help other people focus on something other than themselves, too. And that’s true freedom. We live in a fallen world, so you and I are only going to accomplish this in shades. I’m not humble, but I don’t sit around and condemn myself for it either, which is yet another form of narcissism. I’m pretty awesome that way. I also once met Harry Connick Jr and his girlfriend thought I had nice hair. Try being humble when that sort of thing has happened to you. It’s freaking impossible."

i was in our annual church covenanting ceremony last night. it was an incredibly important night for our community as each of us decides what level of involvement we will have to the group for the coming year. i will be a covenant member and part of the Decision-making circle ... which probably means little to you ... so uh, it means that i want to be involved.

anywho, it was an important and beautiful night as the place of symbol was front and centre to our individual decisions. after the ceremony we partied. Tall Grass Bakery provided snacks and we had cider and mingled together. periodically i chatted with D. i mentioned him briefly in the past when he got married but i mention him again because we're both Leafs fans and hockey fans. last night was the only night of the year when an NHL game will be played in our fair city and i had mentioned to D over the last several months that it would be great to go to that game. i hadn't realized when i suggested it or even when we discussed it again this past Sunday that it would fall on the same night as our covenanting ceremony.

i mention all this because i made it seem like i'd get in all this "trouble" if i had decided to go to the hockey game instead of going to the covenanting ceremony but the truth is, i didn't have any such money to attend and it was MUCH more important for me to be part of the group last night. you see, i want D to like me. we have a connection that i don't have with many folks and i see a lot of myself when i was newly married as i look at him.

i get kinda full of myself and i say some really obtuse things that sound funny in my head before i say it but come across rather "tool"-ish in the open air.

what does this have to do with humility? well, i'm a lot more proud of me than i think i am and some of the comments i make in real life reflect how much of a tool i actually am. i'm the narcissist that Donald is talking about in the last paragraph and i want to be truly free.

D, forgive me for my comments, even if you were gracious enough not to be offended. i really do want you to appreciate me as much as i appreciate your quiet strength and grace.