i have an anxiety disorder and it has been absolutely ablaze for the last 36 hours. i haven't had such dark thoughts as to scare me this much in many years. last night i had to have my friend Roger stay at our house so that i wasnt alone (Wendy's still getting treatment in the hospital). seriously dark thoughts about my own death and the meaningless of my life right now. my life does have meaning, i just can't see it now.
this is not a suicide note. i just need to get some of this dark out.
i'm asking all sorts of questions, of God, of me. i have a message left for my counselor through work and i very much need to go see him today. i plan on trying to contact my doctor and i already have an appt with the naturopath today.
i'm thankful for friends who care, a wife who tells me she loves me and for ways to express myself.
i slept fitfully the last 2 nights, my dreams are disturbed and i've thought more than once that i'm on the verge of a complete breakdown.
it seems to help somewhat to be doing something but there's also a severe motivation problem right now.