Friday, January 21, 2011

bus etiquette

- ALWAYS give the old lady with 3 shopping bags your seat

- don't sit on the aisle leaving an opening on the window. you may be 3 bills wide in which case there probably isn't room for me to sit next to you anyway so don't make it obvious that NOBODY will be sitting next to you.

- think about showering, or at least wearing deodorant. i live in the gentrified section of town but it's still really hard to get the smell of hippie out of your clothes after you spend 20 minutes standing with someone's pit right by your nose.

- if your stop is next and a bunch of people are getting on the bus you might as well vacate your seat so that someone can take a load off for an extra 30 seconds.

- if someone with some obvious mental health issues or a drunk guy is getting in your face you probably don't want to push his buttons. "What, you talking to me Rain Man?" or "Honest Occifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am" probably will only get you a punch in the face or thrown off the bus and a long walk home.

- the lady with 3 kids and a stoller gets the front section ... deal with it, and while you're at it you should also lift that section's seat so that the stroller has somewhere to park.

- what's the point in getting on the bus just to get off again 200 yards later at the next stop? you're 14 years old and the walk for 90 seconds certainly wouldn't kill you. also why do you need to yell your greeting from the front to your buddy sitting in the back corner? seriously, a wave gets the same thing done and you don't disturb the 20 people you go past to see your friend who you were just in English class with last period.

- please Mr Driver, don't drive like you can smell your smoke break in 4 stops. that's a school zone you're speeding through.

- while i'm talking about the driver, does your road rage really do something for you? besides give everyone an ulcer i mean?

- requesting a stop is an art form. don't ring the bell too early, that's a sign of your anxiety and don't ring it too late, then you're just being a jerk.

- it's ok to people watch but don't be too obvious, that's creepy. let your imagination create all sorts of storylines in your head but don't tell them to the actual people because if you're right then you go from imaginative quirky guy to stalker in 2 seconds flat.

- try to be a little friendly if you can. it's hard enough for anyone to choose to sit beside a 200 lb man but nobody's sitting next to a scowling 200 lb man.

- if your neighbour is on the bus you might as well chat since you're going to see him out cutting his lawn or shovelling snow soon anyway.

did i forget anything? any gems you want to add? go ahead and express yourself in the comments.


Lisa said...

-talking loudly while using profanities every other word will probably not endear you to your fellow bus patrons

-It would be appreciated if you didn't bathe yourself in perfume or cologne before boarding the bus. Spritz, don't splash. My burning nostrils will thank you.

-loudly detailing your violent tendencies or drug usage does not make you look cool. it mostly makes everyone wish that you'd taken a different bus.

-if you must ride the bus in an intoxicated state, it would be appreciated if you didn't fall asleep on the stranger who was unfortunate enough to have the only empty seat next to them when you boarded.

oh my... I feel like I could go on forever, though the finer details escape me momentarily. This post totally made me laugh today, Ian. Thanks!

Al said...

--I really don't want to listen to your one-sided phone conversation, even if you are describing the juicy details of your latest 'encounter'.
--rather than blocking the exit door by standing in the way, how's about sitting down, or at least standing in a different spot?
--Front door enter, back door exit.
--Front seats are for strollers, walkers, wheelchairs--so don't sit there, and then grouse when you need to move.
--Not the place for asking for spare change. Just because we are a captive audience doesn't mean that we will be thrilled to help you out.
--On-time buss, good. Slightly late bus, OK. Early bus, BAD!

I'm sure I could go on, but it only makes me more irate.

On the other hand, buses are cheap, reasonably reliable, and great if you like to people watch. Our drivers here in Victoria tend to be mostly polite and helpful--and if they are having a particularly rough day, its easy to understand, given the quality of some of their passengers.

Good rant, Ian, and thanks for a chance to add my own.