ok admittedly i'm in a bad space at the moment but i've been thinking about Lent. there is so much focus in my tradition on the sobriety, the asceticism, the giving up in Lent that i get a bit resentful. i don't really want to give up more, i feel like we've given up so much already. right now i do resent the thought that my life isn't hard enough that i should add more burden to the pile.
don't get me wrong. in the global picture my struggles are nothing. i am definitely one of the 1%, i live a charmed life full of safety and security. i am loved and i get to love.
in truth i'm in mourning today. they cut down the tree in front of my house yesterday. i have known that it was coming, since it got marked for removal due to Dutch Elm disease last summer. still, it was Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday and they cut down my tree. i have called that tree grandfather in my own mind and i fight the urge to wonder if it means more change and loss in the rest of my life. i wonder what ripples it creates in my life.
or is it just the loss of a tree.
i believe that we are all a part of everything around us. we are interconnected and loss is a loss nevertheless. my actual grandparents are all gone now and this grandfather tree did bring shade and happiness to our life. he will be missed and i am very pensive this morning about it.
so you see, i'm not giving anything up for Lent this year. in my opinion, i've given up enough.
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oh I so know this feeling. In fact, last year I told a friend that I was giving up Lent for Lent, and her response was to point out that I seemed to have been living a Lenten season for quite some time, and so my response was quite sane. I took some comfort in that little bit of humorous sanity, and so I'm passing it along - it seems quite sane when a life is falling into painful pieces to refuse further voluntary sacrifice. Perhaps the most sane and self-caring thing you can do.
Blessings of peace on you this season - and not the painful sort that comes with sacrifice, but the peace and hope that fills and brings rest.
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