ok admittedly i'm in a bad space at the moment but i've been thinking about Lent. there is so much focus in my tradition on the sobriety, the asceticism, the giving up in Lent that i get a bit resentful. i don't really want to give up more, i feel like we've given up so much already. right now i do resent the thought that my life isn't hard enough that i should add more burden to the pile.
don't get me wrong. in the global picture my struggles are nothing. i am definitely one of the 1%, i live a charmed life full of safety and security. i am loved and i get to love.
in truth i'm in mourning today. they cut down the tree in front of my house yesterday. i have known that it was coming, since it got marked for removal due to Dutch Elm disease last summer. still, it was Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday and they cut down my tree. i have called that tree grandfather in my own mind and i fight the urge to wonder if it means more change and loss in the rest of my life. i wonder what ripples it creates in my life.
or is it just the loss of a tree.
i believe that we are all a part of everything around us. we are interconnected and loss is a loss nevertheless. my actual grandparents are all gone now and this grandfather tree did bring shade and happiness to our life. he will be missed and i am very pensive this morning about it.
so you see, i'm not giving anything up for Lent this year. in my opinion, i've given up enough.