there's just so much pain out there

if you've read this blog for long you know that i'm a welfare worker ... so i guess i see my own share of pain. it's stressful. pain goes deep.

Christian marriages bust apart in messy ways.
mental health issues lock people into their own worries and worlds.
a child dies.
a longtime friend is sick far beyond what TLC can cure.
people go into the hospital and its not known when or if they'll come out.
a young single mother gets robbed of her groceries and cash coming home to 2 hungry kids.

some of those things are actually happening around me right now. so much pain and so much powerlessness other than to comfort and pray.

someone said to one i love recently, "thank you for loving me just the way i am". that is pure gold. i sat in a party this weekend making small talk about music and life while others were going deep into relationship just by asking "How are you?" and then paying attention for a real answer. it's tough to engage like that. it's tough to live honestly and openly and to allow others the space they need to choose to do the same.
i suspect we all hide our pain and it only comes out best in open relationship.

i once had a Bible college prof say that he had stopped asking people how they were, because in a community setting like a Bible College campus people actually told him how they were. he was finding he didn't have time to hear the answer. that's just sad don't you think?

give words to your pain and show your wounds to those you love around you. part of healing is asking for the support of those who are your support.

Thank you for loving me just the way i am.

Just Breathe

i've had periods of time where i've struggled with an anxiety disorder. i once went through a period of time where i was off work for a couple months and i hid in my basement waiting for life to get light outside. those were dark times but i got some help and i was loved back into life.

this is exactly what i mean. i loved this.

bless you on your journey Laura.
this is community. this is family. this is the church. this is what i mean.

via Randall Friesen

things i heard during worship

i had a great seat, i was doing sound so i got to control the volume. i was also partially responsible for the feedback that happened at the end of the service though.

Marcus led worship. i love that guy. he's so ecumenical and so inclusive. i heard someone say how much they'll miss his wife when the move to the farm community they've started but i personally will mis Marcus a ton.

"We do not own God, rather if we look at today's gospel reading we see that it's actually the opposite that is true. I'm pleased to see in the missal for the prayers of the people that we pray for all believers of all faiths."



The Gospel reading is taken from John Chapter 10.

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers.
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.

This is the Gospel of the Lord. Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ.

how often we are adament that we are in control, that we know how things are, that we are right and everyone else is wrong. this much i do know, the Good Shepherd owns this sheep and i know his voice.
who am i to say that you're not hearing that same voice.

i thought that was metaphorical

via 22 words

we ask the wrong questions

i've just finished reading "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren. he wrote it over a decade ago and in fact his most recent book is "A New Kind of Christianity" is next on my reading hit list. i think it has affected me profoundly already, particularly regarding the discussion we've been having in our church community regarding communion and the place of the other within the Christian church. if you want to read more about this then go ahead and read this.

i got into a brief discussion last night about the issue of communion as i walked with 2 beautiful women of God on our way home from a meeting. we discussed our recent communion discussion in our community and i quickly came to realize that i stood at a polar opposite position from one of these 2 women. she stated that we should remain true to the idea that communion is linked directly to baptism in our community because she believes they are linked. she stated that Jesus shared the communion circle with those who were closest to him for a reason and communion should be reserved for believers. she went so far as to say that we should create a new ritual involving everyone during worship and then we should return the eucharist celebration to our member's only gatherings.

i couldn't disagree more. i resisted the urge to argue because that is not the spirit that i want to portray in our community discussion since we work within a consensus model. instead, i listened but still, i disagreed with her position.

why is it that we concern ourselves with who's in and who's out? why ask the question? why wonder where a person stands in their relationship with Christ? is that any of our business? we don't decide in any way where a person's soul ends up so what's the point of putting all of these parameters on people in order to cubbyhole them as People of God or seeker or sinner or all of the above. by the way, the answer to the question, regardless of who is being cubbyholed is "ALL OF THE ABOVE". i don't care if it's a bishop or a prostitute standing in front of me asking for the grace of Christ present in communion. here my friend, have some grace. be at peace, be loved by Christ.

i won't ask; where do you stand brother? what's your relationship with Jesus sister? have you declared yourself as a disciple?

by asking for the elements you take a step of faith. by taking part you declare and if you're only looking for a piece of bread because you're hungry, then that's what you'll get. if you're looking for more ... because your spirit hungers ... then that's what you'll get.

so what of the connection to baptism? well, who connected it to baptism? the church did. not Jesus. i'm not saying there's anything wrong with that but if it causes someone to stumble in their attempt to get to God then i say get it out of the way.

what about the fact that Jesus shared the first eucharist with his friends? well, he also shared it with Judas so how do we exclude the stranger?

the more i think about the ministry of Jesus the more i see the importance of the relationship with the other, the seeker. Jesus pushed the boundaries of what was accepted for the sake of relationship. he continually played the role of the Good Shepherd and he left the 99 so that he could go out and find the 1 that was lost. he knocked down spiritual walls so that he could reach out and offer grace.

that's what i want to be doing too.

so you see, we ask the wrong questions. we're locked in our little cubbyhole and we can't see that grace should be available to all as they act in faith. the eucharist can be transforming if we let it so the questions we should be asking are no questions at all. the step of faith required is in the asking for the elements. i don't need to know where a person is on their spiritual journey, i only need to offer grace as it is present in the elements. let that act change lives instead of trying to force our cubbyhole on lives.

be blessed my friends. because you are.

my life right now

i'm batching it right now ... and i'm a lousy cook. i eat so poorly when Wendy's not around, i haven't had lettuce in a week and so far it has been pizza and hot dogs for suppers since i've walked in the door from my vacation.

vacation was wonderful. Victoria is insanely beautiful and hanging out there with Wendy, her sis and sis's fiance was a lot of fun. i went golfing like 8 times and didn't have to use my driver much since i have the worst slice since the invention of pie.

i tried to call Wendy last night and i kept getting an auto message that the call couldn't go through because the cell phone wasn't turned on. i actually didn't know i was calling sis's cell but apparently i was. i then called a number that i found listed on one of the plethora of address books we have laying around the house and i got this conversation.

Hello.

Hey, hi B*****, how's it going?

Fine. Who's this?

It's Ian.

*silence*

Is this B***** A*****?

Uh no actually, it's B***** A*********. You have the wrong number.

Wow, ok. Sorry about that B*****.

No worries mate.


interesting that i had a wrong number but i had the right name on the other end eh? i emailed Wendy and asked her to call me since apparently i don't have her sis's phone number. but hey, apparently i've made a new friend.

i spent every free moment at work with my headphones on listening to David Francey music. i'm learning a couple Francey tunes on the guitar and i'm really enjoying it overall. the link above actually talks about a different tune than the one he sings (and i'm learning). he plays it a lot faster than i do but it's still fun.

i got home from work and the entire house smelled like dog ... which makes sense because we have a dog living there. she was cute and really excited when i got home from vacation and we both hugged when i got home (well ok, i hugged her tightly). anyway, the place smelled like dog so i opened up the doors, created a bit of a crosswind and attempted to air the place out a bit. it was a balmy day in the teens (Celsius for my American readers) but it was a bit windy. Maddie (that's the dog) had spent a half hour playing with the neighbour dog in the backyard and she had even managed to steal a bone from the neighbour pup and munched on that for awhile, she was in her glory. again, so i aired the place out and the pup was happy after playing and munching so i sat in the living room with the guiar and played and sang.

it was a LOT of fun. i mean a LOT of fun. my fingers ache today but it's all related to spending a day listening to music so much that i wanted to play my own. i'm still not monstrous with the guitar by any means but it's to a place that i have fun as i play the few tunes that i have music for that i can actually get through. i'm still a bit giddy by how much fun that was.

then of course the hockey playoffs are on so i had to spend some time on that. there was also some sweeping up to do and i had to choke down my own cooking before an early night.

i miss Wendy but ... life is good.

just for fun

a mashup of 2 of my fave tunes, courtesy of John Mayer and U2. enjoy, i know i did.



h/t to The Thinklings