ok, so i've continued to read "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen and again this morning he reassured me with words that tell me to hold fast on my path. it's amazing to me that such depth comes out from a guy lost in so much depression and turmoil. i was able to pray again after i read these words this morning.
There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will receive the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise.
So stop wandering around. Instead, come home and trust that God will bring you what you need. Your whole life you have been running about, seeking the love you desire. Now it is time to end that search. Trust that God will give you that all-fulfilling love and will give it in a human way. Before you die God will offer you the deepest satisfaction you can desire. Just stop running and start trusting and receiving.
Home is where you are truly safe. It is where you can receive what you desire. You need human hands to hold you there so you don't run away again. But when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart.