walking with a limp

thanks to Broken Saints for the germination of this blogpost.

Jacob wrestled with God and wouldn't let go until He blessed him. they grappled, they rolled in the grass, he struggled while God held on to him. Jacob would not let go and finally God dislocated his hip ... but also made good on a promise. God blessed Jacob. He was faithful.

i wonder what that experience is like for God. we call it wrestling with God like it's a struggle but at the same time, we're grappling so God is RIGHT THERE. oh to be so close as to share the breath of God and feel the awesome power as we struggle against him.

i will not let you go until you bless me. i will grapple. i will wrestle with this and i will look for your answer, seek your blessing.
what did that get him? it got him a limp for the rest of his life ... but it was a knowing limp. every twinge in that hip would've been a knowing twinge. a knowledge that God is there. God is faithful. God will bless.

i too walk with a limp, although, i don't. my limp is seen in the knowing scars and the hard knocks over time.
God is faithful. i have grappled and He has blessed. there is a knowing smile across my faith as i examine my scars. God is there in that scar, He's there in that limp. i am blessed and i still have not let go.

is that God giggling as i exert all my might against those monstrous arms? why doesn't this full nelson hurt that he has on my heart?
thank you Father. i will not let you go and i'll just keep this limp with a knowing smile.